BIBLICAL PEACEMAKING

When we started the current Peacemaking Women study in January, I opened with the same line I said repeatedly when someone expressed any sort of excitement in joining this study over the past decade. “If you’re hoping for a list of ways to deal with the difficult people in your life, you’ve got the wrong study!” As I mentioned in previous posts, this study is divided up into three sections: Conflicts with God, Conflicts with Others, and Conflicts Within. While we surely have covered how to resolve conflicts with other people, the focus is not so much fixing THEM, but rather doing a great deal of interrogating OURSELVES to see what’s really going on in our own hearts…in the midst of all these other types of conflicts.

Well…shoot. Anyhoo…back to it…

When we finally did reach Conflicts with Others, it opened with today’s Wednesday Word, a foundational framework for Biblical Peacemaking…much of which, the authors shared from Ken Sande’s Peacemaker Ministries. However, I would really miss the mark if I were to not start this post with some important passages of Scripture (there are so many more than I’m including for now) upon which we build that biblical foundation when dealing with conflicts with other people.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. [Ephesians 4:1-3]

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down , but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our bodies. [2 Corinthians 4:7-10]

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. [Romans 12:18, 21]

Like I said, this is just a small sampling of verses upon which to build a biblical peacemaking framework. I would encourage you to do a deep dive into Scripture before trying to “fix” your conflicts with others. This chapter was SO packed with helpful info…it would be difficult to share all the highlights! To that end, there are 3 different lists that are absolutely crucial so I will mostly just share those (and some helpful quotes) in the hope that they will provide some beneficial understanding for resolving conflicts with others…but NOT because these lists are simple “how-to’s”…trust me, they’re far from simple. Let’s begin with the first list…from Peacemaker Ministries, “The Four G’s” framework for a biblical theology of conflict resolution:

*”Glorify God-how can I please and honor God in this situation?”

*”Get the log out of your eye-taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict”

*”Gently restore-lovingly serve others by helping them take responsibility for their contribution to this conflict”

*”Go and be reconciled-demonstrate the forgiveness of God and encourage a reasonable solution”

The next important component in conflict resolution is biblical confession. Any attempt at conflict resolution would be woefully inadequate without it. Again, let me share another list from Peacemaker Ministries, “The Seven A’s of Confession.”

*”Address everyone involved-confession should be as public as the offense”

*”Avoid if, but, and maybe-these 3 words effectively destroy a confession”

*”Admit specifically”-being fuzzy about an apology communicates a lack of sincerity

*”Acknowledge the hurt-shared pain heals much faster than pain untouched”

*”Accept the consequences-when trust has been destroyed, it may take years to rebuild”

*”Alter your behavior-draw a verbal picture of how you hope to be different in the future”

*”Ask for forgiveness-allows both parties the opportunity to fully resolve the open offense”

The last list I want to share is “The Four Promises of Forgiveness.” Each of the lists is incredibly helpful when developing the biblical framework for resolving conflict with others, but this third list from Peacemaker Ministries may be the one that is most often ignored or avoided. I’ll add some of the most helpful quotes that the authors of our study added to the original list.

*”I will not dwell on this incident. Instead, when I become aware that thoughts about this incident pop into my mind, I will take them captive and commit them to Christ.”

*”I will not bring this incident up again and use it against you to cause you hurt, shame, or fear…only when necessary for our healing and growth.”

*”I will not gossip to others about this incident unless it’s necessary to ask for assistance for God’s glory and our good.”

*"I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. I will not avoid or neglect you. Instead I will pray, allow time, and faithfully labor toward true reconciliation and restoration.”

One important side note…living with this mindset of biblical peacemaking isn’t about covering for wrong behavior or making excuses for someone else’s sin against you…nor is it about becoming a doormat for every awful person you encounter. Another helpful quote on this topic of forgiveness:

“Excusing says, ‘On the basis of some external criteria, I release you.’ True biblical forgiveness says, ‘On the basis of God’s forgiving me for my sin, I forgive you’…Forgiveness requires that you acknowledge how bad the wrong actually was rather than minimize the wrong with an excuse…God’s grace empowers us to forgive.”

Overall…like I said…not EASY lists to live by or stages to complete. To be fair, the only hope we have for biblical conflict resolution is the powerful work of Christ in our lives. I’ll wrap up this post the same way the PMW authors wrapped up this chapter…with more Scripture. I hope it will encourage you to fight this good fight of peacemaking.

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. [2 Corinthians 5: 18-20]